Stapled Out

I stapled a note to your arse.
You didn't notice. A Post-It won't do.

You see, this notice should be indelible -
inedible to the sight, not large.
You are a mountain range. On a damp dull day.

You didn't feel it. Oh! How we laughed
when, on a clean tiled floor, droplets formed
and you thought your tampon had burst.
Oh! How we laughed when you slipped and fell.

Didn't bounce back. Went straight to fat hell.