"I don't know, we should just end the experiment right here. Let's be honest, they are big, ugly, and eat all the other animals they come into contact with. I don't think there's much chance of us getting a successful result. Let's just end it now, and move on."
Gabriel looked aghast. "We can't do that. It took ages to get to this point. Can't we just, mess around with the genetics a bit and make them less..."
"Ugly? Big? Hungry? Boring?"
"... cumbersome, I was going to say. I mean, there was a reason why we wanted them to ingest the smaller animals originally - they pick up the bacteria, and that changes them down the generations, and so on..."
"Yeah. Made them porky as a birthright. Nice job."
Gabriel was a little annoyed with the smart remark. "Look, Mikey. We agreed on this approach. I suggested we try to maker them smarter, but you said it was too dangerous, what if they escape and all that. But look at the result. Big fat buggers that eat everything in their path. This was not supposed to be an all-you-can-eat diner."
Mikey drummed his fingers on the glass. He hated travelling. It made him feel sick having to travel to the lab, so he avoided it when he could. He had perhaps left it a bit long between visits. It was a debacle. A nightmare. A double debacle nightmare.
He stopped drumming his fingers. "Maybe there's a compromise."
"I'm listening."
It was risky, but hell, what did they have to lose? They were most likely going to shut the experiment down, so they might as well go all in.
"Okay. I say we get rid of the big 'uns - I don't know, change the environment, make it hard to survive - turn the temperature down or something. But keep some of the smaller species going."
"Can we keep the furry ones? I like the furry ones best."
Mikey rolled his eyes. Always with the fluffy creatures.
"Okay, okay. Just not the big furry ones, alright?"
Gabriel nodded. "Ok, Mikey. So how do we make the experiment get back on track?"
Mikey pursed his lips. "Right, this is the slightly... unorthodox... bit. We're going to inject a little bit of... erm, sentience into things."
Gabriel's mouth fell open. Mikey helped him shut it with a finger a good thirty seconds later. "Still with me?"
"Errr, yeah, yah. Are you sure that's... allowed?"
Mikey shrugged. "Probably not, but who cares? We can always make it look like experimental error if it goes belly up. Just introduce a few viruses here and there that just happen to target specific mitochondrial DNA of rather promising subjects... Well, how were we to know we would accidentally contaminate them?"
There was silence for a number of minutes, and Mikey resumed his finger drumming. It made sploshing noises.
He was getting hungry. He wondered whether anyone would notice if he borrowed one of the subjects. He suspected they might be tasty barbecued.
Finally, Gabriel responded. "Ok. I'm in. I say we go with natural disaster. Maybe wipe out the scaly buggers first. And for the viruses, I say we go for the monkeys. They're kind of cute, and seem to be getting everywhere these days."
Gabriel shrugged. "Right you are."
A small dish appeared in front of him, which he spat in. He used his intention to target monkey DNA, and watched as it disappeared into a small, silvery ball, which rippled through the liquid glass of the craft's viewport, and sped towards the tropics of the small blue-green planet.
"I gave them the impulse to procreate madly, as well, " said Mikey.
Gabriel looked sullen. "That means the fluffy ones will die out."
Mikey smiled, and put a hand on Gabriel's shoulder. "Don't worry. I made the bunnies even more sex-crazed. And gave some of them fluffy tails."
This brightened Gabriel up considerably. "I like fluffy tails. And twitchy noses."
"Good Luck," Mikey said to the unwitting planet, as the disc-shaped craft sped off towards the nearest somewhat dangerous meteor to change its trajectory towards the Earth.
"I'm wondering, " Mikey said tentatively, "If making them want to worship sky gods was a step too far."
This time it was Gabriel's turn to roll his eyes. Still, at least he had his fluffy bunnies.
Maybe in another couple of million years, they would take a look at how their experimental planetary petri-dish was doing, and they would finally have solved the problem of creating an unending supply of mobile sex toys for their home planet of Bondagonia.